Pool’s open, Skin cancer, Be careful

Memorial Day weekend began in earnest Friday. It was obvious to those who live in a tourist area – especially near a beach area. Up here in the North East we do not have beaches, we have a shore. So that’s where the flocks gather during warmer weather for weekend getaways.
I have never been to the Jersey shore. I am sure it is nice but I am too spoiled to the warmer water and broader beaches of the Gulf Coast, not to mention free access to public beaches and much smaller crowds. I may check it out during the week this summer. Mama would like that.
I love the ocean, but I tend to avoid going to the beach and to pools for that matter. Mostly because of the way people are underdressed. My father told me years ago that most people looked better with cloths on. As an anesthesiologist he had seen enough bodies in surgery to make that statement with a degree of authority. Go to any pool or beach area (fresh water or salt water) and you are unlikely to prove him wrong.
It is the exceptions to that rule that people often go to see. I am uncomfortable around women in general. I am very uncomfortable around women who dress as many women do at the water’s edge. In a situation where I should be enjoying the scenery it is unpleasant to look around and be embarrassed by what I see, or worse, what I catch myself looking at.
On the health front we need to be very aware that skin cancer is a very real threat – especially to our children. As parents and grandparents we need to be, as a friend of mine called his wife, “sunscreen Gestapo’s”. Since most sunscreen lotions offer very good protection against sunburn it is an easy solution in both the short term (minor burns) and long term (skin cancer).
Be on the lookout for reactions to any particular lotion used on a child. It is reasonable to think that there can be such reactions. If a rash or some other reaction occurs, test another brand of lotion. Also, bring cover ups of some sort, even the best sunscreens wear off and have to be reapplied more often that most children want to take the time for a conscientious parent to do so.
I usually stay covered up – long sleeved shirts and a towel over my legs – when out of the water. I also try to limit my time to twenty minutes of full sun before I retreat. I have been burned way too often. One time on the black sand beaches of western Guatemala, my brother’s and I blistered so badly it took many days to heal. I do not remember being out there that long, but my skin did. I will never forget the discomfort.
Have fun. Be careful.

Overdoing it, Recovery

On the way home from Arkansas it was obvious to me that we had attempted to do too much when we were there for a visit. The most tell-tale sign for me was how much we slept. Mama and my son slept for most of the three hour drive to Memphis to make our plane connection and I slept through both of the flights, which is very rate for me.
When we got home Mama got sick with the typical sore throat – which comes from the dry air on the plane – but went on to develop a low-grade fever. She took some Nyquil and went to bed early but I had suggested that if she woke up too early she should take another dose and I would take care of her normal morning errands.
She woke me up about 1 a.m. to tell me she had passed out in the kitchen and her head was hurting. I had only been asleep a couple of hours do I was groggy and slightly irritated. (Terrible, huh?) But I got up and looked in the kitchen to see if anything was broken or needed to be cleaned up. All was okay there so I went back to see if I could more clearly understand what had happened.
It turns out that when she passed out she hit her head hard enough on the kitchen floor to leave a small blood spot on the flooring. She had deftly missed both rugs we placed on the floor after we moved into the apartment – because the floor is so cold. And she had laid there for several minutes before she came to. I got her some aspirin and water and helped her get comfortable. We went back to bed, to a troubled sleep, for several hours.
Now three days later she is starting to recover. She has been sore in her back, neck and head for a long three days. She is not sick very often and after it is all over I will have to get an honest appraisal of whether I have been too intolerant – we men tend to get that way I am told.
Compared to my granddaughter’s tumble into the muck on the edge of the pond where we were fishing, Grammy’s (That’s my wife.) tumble has been a bigger concern, but she is on the mend.
Maybe I can regroup now and check to see if the mud bath effected my granddaughter’s desire to go fishing with Papi (That’s me.) again.
My interview on Wednesday went very well, but how much can be said in a thirty minute interview. I was promised that I would be called within the next two weeks whether it was to set up a face-to-face interview or to be told I was not a candidate for the position. I cannot ask for more than that.
Soon I will take my wife on a real vacation, where we have no urgent plans, where we relax, where we are not working doing all the running and all the planning, but that may be a long time away from us. Someday.

Hybrids, Sons-in-law

We got back yesterday from our trip to Hot Springs. The original plan was to attend our daughter's wedding, instead my wife met our new son-in-law for the first time on their one month anniversary. That is another story in itself.
Since we had free tickets to fly round trip on Airtran, we had to fly into Memphis, TN and travel from there by car to Hot Springs. It is only about three hours driving time between the two destinations. Not too bad. So we rented a car to make the trip.
We were given a new Nisan Altima Hybrid. I asked if there was anything I needed to know about the car and the salesman simply said, “It's quiet.” I was a little surprised but as it turned out that was the staggering difference with this car to any other vehicle I had driven.
When we got loaded and were about to hit the road I was not sure if the car was running and it has no key to insert and turn, only a button to press. So I pressed the button and all the dash lights went out. I honestly could not tell any difference between running and not running except that the lights were no longer lit.
So I hit the button again and the dash lights came on. I put the car in gear and pressed the accelerator and we drifted a few inches. The engine was not running. So I put the car back in park and pushed the button again and moved the gear selector to the drive position and pressed the accelerator. This time we jumped forward. The car was now running. I could not tell but it obviously was running. Off we went.
About an hour down the road we stopped to stretch and use the bathroom. We got an ice cream cone at the McDonald's where we had stopped and got back into the car. I pressed the button and the lights came on but once in gear I knew the car was not running. So we got out the owners manual and read the quick guide. I then learned that like most cars I have ever driven where it is required that the brake be pressed to put the car into gear, in our rental, the brake must be pressed for the car to be given permission to start. Starting, with this hybrid, engaged the electric motor which made no sound that I could tell, so I put the car in gear and it really was running. We had very few problems after that other than Mama and my son wanting to test the speedometer since it was ranged up to 180 mph.
Would I ever own one now that I have driven one? Probably, but not one that small.
For some reason, I am now struck by the fact that I am a father-in-law. With my first daughter's marriage, it seemed a natural outcome of a very circumspect and proper courting relationship between my daughter and the man she married. We had a fair amount of time to work our way into the newly developed relational hierarchy.
With this marriage, it was more of a rush and having met the man only once before the marriage took place it was not nearly so comfortable. As I said, my wife did not meet our new son-in-law until they had been married a month so he will have to excuse us as a pair of old fogies gets used to the idea. I am sure it will grow on us.
I am happy for our daughter and her husband and I wish them the best. I will pray for them accordingly.

Fishing, Family, The cost of quality time is quantity of time

We got to visit a family who lives on a fifteen acre farm with a one acre pond. If it were in Texas I would call it a tank since that would be proper terminology for the area, but since we are in Arkansas, I will call it a pond. The pond is loaded with bluegill and catfish and we got to catch them with such ease that it almost felt like cheating.
These catfish are fed a special floating fish food so when the catching slowed down we tossed some food onto the water and here they came. We were out there fishing for a couple hours and managed to catch more fish than I had seen caught in almost a decade. Shame on me!
For those of you who might be offended, all fish we caught were safely released back into the pond. It killed me to do so, but we were not set up to cook and eat them so we will have to go back when we are able to catch and eat.
As with all family fishing adventures, I spent a good deal of time getting tangles out of lines. It never ceases to amaze me how fishing line can get such a complicated tangle instantly. I could not twist and loop the line in an hour and get the complication that it alone can do in a single instant.
It is one of those times when it is nearly impossible not to draw a comparison to life in general. I am sure there are physics involved in the tangle – stress and twist on the line, the angle and force of the cast, etc. But in the real lives of my children I think of how easily they can get themselves into a “tangle.” Whether it is a financial, relational, or emotional tangle it seems to happen so quickly and take such a long time to finally undo. But as with fishing, they are impossible to avoid so when they do happen we focus on the need, the solution and individual until it is repaired or undone. Then we let them cast again – hoping to live at least a little time before the next tangle must be undone.
One of the family members is a special needs individual. He would simple say, “I got a tangle.” And I would lay down my pole and untangle the loops, free the line and he would recast. He caught his fair share of fish along with the rest of us, but I get the feeling that he was more focused than the rest of us. I sometimes wish my children would be as quick to recognize the need for help. A tangle is easier than a knot to undo.
I caught a five pound cat but it shook itself free of the line at the bank so we didn’t get a picture of the fish on the line. What we did get was a picture of the fish at the bank, mouth open, splashing, being pursued by Belle, the family dog. Belle checked out every fish caught, snapping at the wriggling bounty as the kids struggled to free the fish without giving the dog a live toy.
It was great fun. It is always gratifying to see the kids and grandkids so excited doing something that occupies such focus at such a small cost. It was one of those quality moments that comes only with sufficient quantity of time spent together – well worth the cost.

Grandkids, preacher boys, Peeking

As we arrived in Hot Springs, church had already started. We were about twenty-five minutes late, but our children had saved us a spot. On the platform was a young boy. He looked to be about twelve. He was one of the six preacher boys that were to speak that night. What a pleasure to hear these youth do their best to practice what they had seen in and heard from the pulpit and now had studied to present. It was truly delightful.
The church here has a club/class of young boys that are exploring a call to preach. They are trained, coached and then given opportunity to practice what they have learned. Some of the twelve to fifteen year-olds had preached as much as seven times. What a great opportunity.
The grand kids arrived in the very early a.m. after traveling all night. They were rested and revved up – me and Grammy, not so much. But those who have grandchildren will understand that we met their exuberance with equal enthusiasm. I do believe grandchildren keep your focus on youth. Ours is long ago spent and theirs, at the age of ours, is still ahead. We will expend ourselves to share as much as possible with them and in so doing share our experiences and add ourselves into their lives as best we are allowed. For now it is tremendous fun.
My daughter and son-in-law brought me a Bible of the same type that was stolen from me earlier this year. It was a great surprise. We went over to the book store associated with the college to look for a bible cover to protect my new bible and while there I thought I should use the bathroom rather than tie up the only one at Grandma’s house.
While in there a couple of vey young boys came in needing to use the pot. I was already there so it really bothered the youngest. He was probably four years old. He asked “Who are you? I answered “Just me.” “But who are you?” “I’m just me.” “Do I know you?” I don’t think so” (I had thought it would be more private to use the bathroom here than at Grandma’s. Obviously not!)
When he could not place my voice he decided it would easier to find out what was going on if he just crawled into the stall with me. “I don’t know you at all.” No you don’t and you are being naughty, besides the fact that you crawled on a very dirty floor under the door to get in here.”
At this point he was very puzzled. “Crawl back out and wait for me to finish.” “Will it be soon?” “I will hurry” So he crawled out and I finished. When I got out he walked past me into the stall and turned around and looked me very concerned. “Are you going to look?”
“No, I am not the naughty one, you are.”
Aren’t kids wonderful!

Bumpers and brake lights, 50# limit, the little things

I am not very often the passenger in a vehicle so our ride to the airport in Philadelphia was a rare opportunity for me to look around and really study the traffic as we inched along. It was bumpers and brake lights as far as the eye could see.


One of the benefits of the Northeast is the wealth of cultures found together there and the businesses established to meet the needs of those various cultural needs. You can literally find anything. It is very exciting to my wife and daughters – not so much for me.

What is excitement for the shoppers in my life is total exasperation for me. There are people from every culture in the world, speaking the language of their homeland and carrying on the traditions of their heritage; which is wonderful. The problem is that there are people, and people and more people.

I am not much on crowds, with the exception of church crowds. I love fellowship in crowds of church people. Unfortunately, most of the crowds we deal with are not church crowds. That coupled with the annoyed, abrupt (to the point of rudeness) people in this area makes large gatherings (especially on the road) exasperating for me. Having grown up in the south this has always been a culture shock for me.

Moving slowly through the traffic did make me a little glad to be flying instead of driving. But as with all things in life there are tradeoffs. The hardest tradeoff for travel by air is the limit to the luggage we can carry and the weight limit of each of those pieces. You have to understand that when we travel by car, whatever vehicle we take is packed to the max. It did not matter where we are going, who we are going to see or even the length of the stay.

I have packed a fifteen passenger van to the point that there was not room to put in an extra notebook much less another pair of shoes. This was because I traveled with six women – a wife and five daughters. Now imagine having to limit what is taken to under fifty pounds. It was difficult for my wife to condense what is essential to the space of one suitcase. It was almost upsetting for her to then have to repack to make the weight come out right.

After several attempts to bring the weight down it was decided that I would have to take less clothing to make things work. After I made the necessary adjustments we weighed the largest, most overstuffed suitcase and it weighed a little over the fifty pounds. We were both a little worried until the scale at the baggage checkpoint showed the bag to weigh 50.5#. My wife was ecstatic when the attendant let it through without any additional charge. I admit I had to smile, too.

It is the little things that either make or break us. This was one of those times when we were able to celebrate a victory, a little one, but a win none-the-less.

Misplaced focus, What we see in others, Early Swim

We have a DVD player in our little Dodge Caravan and it has been very helpful in our travels. My wife will use it while running her errands so the little one she routinely has with her can be entertained more easily. Lately the favorite movie is Monster's Inc. Her expectation, the little one that is, is that the screen be opened and the movie be playing as soon as she is in her car seat.

We have been working with her on asking properly rather that demanding; “Please” and “Thank you” instead of “I want” and “do this”. It is slow going. So when there is not the proper request, we wait until she thinks to do so properly. It takes a lot of patience because her focus – what she wants us to do – remains steadfastly unchanged. Therefore, the request is repeated over and over in the wrong way.

Those of you who have, or are around, little ones know what I mean. I have a feeling, so does the Lord. It made me think about how I ask for things I am petitioning help with. Am I like the baby, asking over and over with such a singular focus that I cannot see what is being done to prepare the answer to my need, or for that matter, what I might need to do to prepare myself for the answer to be best evidenced in my life?

I see that sometimes in my children. There are times that answering their request could be the worst response I could made. One of my daughters was well past the age where she was legally able to get a driver's license when she finally took and eventually passed the tests to get one. I was often criticized for holding her back while from my perspective, I was lengthening her life. She was not ready to drive until much later, only now does she realize that.

Just as I could see more than her, God can see more than I. I really need to give him the same latitude in my life. And remember, “No” is also an answer.

Yesterday evening we walked over to the pool area at out apartments. It is a large pool consisting of five large intersecting and overlapping rectangles. With us were the little one, her older brother and another young boy we watch for a short while after school. At first they were careful and laid down poolside to put their hands in the water since it is far too cold for the pool to be open. With young ones water must be touched, it cannot simply be enjoyed by looking. Having tired of that they then began walking around the perimeter of the pool on the tile immediately above the edge of the pool. It is twelve or more inches wide and level with the pavement surrounding the pool, but we warned them to be very careful anyway. It is a lot like walking on the curb, with water instead of the street greeting a lack of balance.

So, one-by-one, in single file they walked around and around, until a quick and spontaneous change of direction sent the little one over the edge and in to the water. Her brother got her out very quickly and no harm was done, but she was freezing since the water temperature was about sixty-five degrees fahrenheit.

What was our response? “Didn't we tell you to be careful?” etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! A quick change of cloths and a little time with the hair dryer and she was laughing about the whole thing.

Oh that my little “plunges” were that easy to fix!

So that you know, we finally got underway working out with the bank to clear up the residual left from the short sale. It will not be easy, but it will work out fine. Doesn't it usually?