Do you listen?

Victoria and Mama talked with Savanna for a long time last night. Savanna thoroughly enjoys the video chatting. She likes being the center of attention; being the clown. She likes being seen and Mama likes the ability to see and her antics. Last night, as the conversation rambled, Cori had Savanna say her new word for Victoria. “Gobernadores”. Several days ago, Mykenzie was memorizing the Bible passage, Ephesians 6:12 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” The word rulers is translated “gobernadores” and Mykenzie was having trouble getting the pronunciation correct -and she is quite concerned about speaking correctly. So, as her sister struggled and frustrated herself, Savanna piped up and said, “Mommy, I can say that word.” “Can you?” mommy asked. “Sure, go-ber-na-dor’-es” “Very good, Savanna.”

Of course, it was spoken with a three-year-old’s inflection and a deep South accent, but it was there. She has a very good ear. Because immersion in the language is key to training the ear, Cori and Nate are playing familiar songs and choruses in Spanish in the background as well as showing familiar movies in Spanish. It just goes to prove what I have believed, that learning a new language is not necessarily a speaking skill, it is more of a listening skill. Case in point: Think of someone you know that quickly picked up a second language and ask yourself, Is that person a good listener? The answer will probably be in the affirmative.

One of the things I see lacking in the world today is the desire to listen. It is not an American flaw exclusively. It is a human flaw – only exacerbated by a world-wide culture that relies on texting and twitter more than on any form of verbal communication – much less, face-to-face interaction. I am not a person who is quick to answer on average. I like to think about what I am going to say and how it is going to be heard. In the classes I teach, I have learned to give an answer to any question posed, but that relatively quick answer comes from experience answering questions relevant to the course material. They are practiced responses. In my current employ, there is an individual who I admire for his ability to listen intently and yet immediately give a thorough, intuitive response to the question asked or the thought shared. That is not me. I can easily walk away from a group conversation without feeling the need to add anything to the discussion. I generally hesitate to interrupt or interfere or interject unless required to do so. I am content to listen. I think of that as participating. Very few others do.

Most people join a conversation for the sole purpose on interjecting in some way. They come into the discussion ready to talk rather than ready to listen. They listen enough to hear key words or snippets of the conversation with the express intent of grabbing the first opportunity to talk. Sadly, most people are not good listeners. Me included. Even sadder, most people consider themselves good listeners as they spend their time in conversation planning what they will say when they take their turn to talk instead of hearing what is being said. Listening with a purely selfish intent. Missing the opportunity to touch the hearts and lifves of those they converse with. Such touchy-feely things are not important to them as long as they get the opportunity to voice what they want to say.

Conversations are more than an opportunity to speak. They are an opportunity to connect; to make eye contact, to read body language, the hear the tone and the emotion in which the thoughts are shared, to gauge the import of the topic, to catch the play on words or the humor of the moment. Even conversations over the phone can convey much of that same interaction. It has often been said, God gave us two ears and one mouth. We should take that as a clue and speak only half as much as we listen.