Who we are

I sure miss Mama. When you build your life around a person, or perhaps better put, when you add your life to the life of another, it is a challenge to get through a “normal” routine when that other person is not with you. In that respect, I understand how Brittany and Maggie’s lives are affected by the deployment of their husbands. But their lives are set up differently than ours. Those periods of doing things solo are built into the regimen of their lives - of necessity. Accounted for as a requirement of the duty in which their husbands serve. Mama’s and my life together is built around the two of us getting our portions of the divided load accomplished so the other has time to complete their portion. Each adding to the other. Each with a different set of tasks to get done as we strive for a common goal. It is not that it makes things easier when we are working together, our lives and work are set up to be accomplished by two people, when the load falls to one of us it is a significant load.

Nevertheless, we adapt. I have purposely set up the farm so that it can be managed by one person. Fortunately, Mama got feed when we dropped off the pigs last week. That will not fall to me in her absence. When managing the home (shopping, cleaning, laundry, feeding the inside dogs, keeping the bird feeders full, tending to the indoor plants, mowing, etc.), managing our business (calls to be made, appointments to be managed, checks to be written and mailed out, etc.), coordinating our outside obligations (egg deliveries, dog grooming, appoints for sundry needs, etc.), and so many other things that are typically done by both of us working in tandem rests on either of us alone, it takes a good deal of coordination to figure out how to fit everything in. Often interrupting my workday to get some of those items completed on time. It is only a temporary situation, but really miss having Mama with me. However, what she is doing right now is far more important than anything I am scrambling to do. I did let my manager know that I would be interrupted during the day more than usual because of Mama’s current absence. They are okay with that.

Mama called me last night to let me know that Maggie had gone to the airport to pick up Aaron. He flew home at the behest of his command. Recognizing that both Maggie and Aaron are young, inexperienced and awkward still yet in their marriage, we can only hope and pray that the two of them agree to begin to walk the road of resolution and recovery. Whatever that may mean. Whatever that may take. Mostly, it is a pathway of surrender. Of forgiveness. Of recognizing each individual’s part in the problem and each individual’s part in the resolution. Painful at first. Peaceful in the end. Remembering we are sinners at best. Each of us. Easily justifying our actions. Blind to our selfishness. Nurturing of our pride. Falsely empowered by our anger and self-righteous rage.  In marriage, only when the Biblical intent of the two becoming one flesh is accomplished can we live our lives putting the other ahead of ourselves and live to serve that person. Forsaking all others. Our own selves included. It is a big undertaking. It can only be a success when the Lord is in control. I do not know Aaron well but for Maggie, surrender is an issue. Always has been. Yielding control to another is not in her nature. Regardless of the control she is abdicating. Fortunately, Maggie has a new nature. She simply needs to learn to live in that nature. As do we all.

Our marriage has been blessed because Mama is a master of selflessness. So much so that she feels guilty when she has to spend money for her own needs or desires. Of course, LuLa Roe falls outside of that guilt category until she has to pay for it. That is, until she tells me I have to pay for it. So far that has been manageable. A little frustrating but manageable.

Back to the situation in North Carolina. For the moment, Mama is planning on coming home this weekend. We are taking this one day at a time. My hope is that Maggie and the kids will come back with Mama to spend some time with us at the farm. Maggie may feel awkward in that setting but the kids would thrive. Living with Mama has a profoundly positive affect on children. That is why Alex is desperate for Mama to take Yilin for as many days as possible this summer. That would be great for Yilin. Perhaps not so much for Mama. But we will probably give it a try. Mama has worked with children more rambunctious than Yilin. Yilin has a good heart. A good nature. She is just a continuous blast of excess energy.

Cathryn and Walter would do well to be with Mama for an extended time. Maggie would as well. We are certainly willing if she is.