Dogs, wasted time, failed grill recipe, waiting

I went home at lunchtime yesterday to let the dogs out. That was not so bad, but Sandy pooped and peed in the living room after I let the dogs back into the house. I subsequently threw her out of the house, and she stayed out until Victoria let her back in very late in the evening. When I got home from work there were large patches of dog puke across the kitchen floor. I was not happy. In fact, I was very unhappy with the dogs. So, rather than get too angry, I went outside and took care of the evening feeding. Filling waterers and setting out more feed where needed. I stayed out of the house working around the farm until Victoria got home – just before dark. I am not necessarily mad it the dogs. They cannot be anything other than dogs. I am upset that my life is overrun with them. That will have to change soon. I am not sure how, but it will have to change. Starting with getting rid of Sandy.

As I worked outside, I tried to weld the gate to the post I have set in the new lot, but that was mostly a fail. I did not have any metal heavy enough to bridge the gap between the hinges on the gate and the post. The hinges were poorly cut away from whatever they had been welded to originally and I was working with that poor cut to make the new connection. I used a piece of old bed rail to try make the connection, but it will be too light to work. Whatever I use must be able to carry the weight of the gate. Those pieces will not do that. I can use them as reinforcement, but not as supports. So, I pretty much wasted my time welding them in position. Tonight, I will cut them off and try something else.

Much of my frustration stems from the financial challenge I see us needing to meet within the next three to four weeks. We are not prepared to meet that challenge with the resources I have available. In my heart, I know it will all work out, but the lack of ability to foresee that successful conclusion is troubling. It is ultimately a lack of faith. Faithlessness is a sin. And I am guilty as charged. It seems idiotic to take upon myself what only God can do, yet here we are. I will slowly work my way through this lack of faith and see God work, but for now, I have to be careful to not take out my frustration on those around me. Like the work done on my poorly welded gate, it is wasted time and energy. It is just so hard to let go.

On the lighter side, I grilled stuffed jalapenos for me and Victoria. They came out okay. Not great. I did not take time to get bacon to wrap the jalapenos, so we used some thinly sliced ham lunchmeat. That was not the best choice, but it worked in a pinch. They tasted good, but the cheese I put in the jalapeno halves oozed onto the foil I grilled them on. Not all of it, but more than would have run out if I had been able to use bacon slices to seal the ends as I wrapped the halves. It was a less than great outcome, but a good test of the process. We will definitely try again.

This week at work is our week of quarterly classes. I will teach only Thursday, but we have classes scheduled for today through Friday. Next week, I will teach two classes at a client facility. One in Guymon, OK. One in Amarillo. That is the week Mama will travel with me and visit with Chase and Makaila and Owen as I teach. I don’t mind the travel especially when I drive to the facilities and I can take Mama with me. As much as I am looking forward to the time with Chase and Makaila, I am looking forward to the time out of the office. As I wait on calls or emails from several different people, I am trying not to grow impatient. Trying to stay in step with God’s plan. Sitting in the office with little to do only adds to the frustration. Fortunately, I have been given a couple assignments to fill in the hours at my computer. If I have to stay at this post for a longer time than I originally anticipated, I would like to fill the time with worthwhile projects. That looks like a distinct possibility.

It is one of those times of waiting that the principle of “waiting” serves well. Like a waiter waiting tables. The best ones work at it. I am waiting on the Lord by doing. Filling those needs that I have opportunity to meet. Serving as needed in whatever capacity needed. Not sitting idle as the days hurry past but doing. Hopefully, I will be fully prepared for the next step in Mama’s and my journey when that door opens.

Hopefully.