The long road home, at the farm, Britany’s news

Wednesday morning Mama wanted to go back to the beach for just a little while so badly it was palpable. I had to talk her out of that idea several times. My biggest concern was that the kids would get wetter than we were prepared to deal with. That, and I have never gone shell hunting with Mama and not gotten wet myself. So, we ate breakfast at the hotel – such as it was – and hit the road at about 7:30 am. Cathryn and Walter did very well on the long trip home. Mama was thrilled to have me in the driver’s seat. After several days of travel to get to me, the kids and Mama had established a routine of sorts. Once I got the routine down, it was pretty smooth traveling. One of the things I was unaware of was that Walter was not allowed to take any items from the vehicle with him as he left the vehicle. He has a tendency to fill his hands with toys, action figures, tiny army men, etc., and then lay them down as something else strikes his fancy. Often leaving behind the things he prefers to play with as he travels. That almost happened on the first break. Mama saw to it that nothing got forgotten or left behind in the store since I did not know the drill. There were several times that things were misplaced within the vehicle and a desperate search was launched to recover whatever was the focus of the moment, but we made it to the farm with most of the important items.

We had been in the vehicle about seven hours when Mama and I were talking about the lay of the land we were passing through. We were in southeast Texas at the time traveling back roads because I had missed the turn we normally take to get home from Pensacola. As we chatted and the kids played, we passed a Louisiana style house with a large wraparound porch. The house was painted a pale yellow. Trimmed in white. It was beautifully landscaped. I remarked to Mama, “There’s the kind of house you have always wanted.” Her casual reply was, ‘Yep. That’s my house.” From the back we heard Walter’s very concerned voice. “Grammy, did we just pass your farm?” I started to laugh immediately. It took Mama a minute to get the intent of the question – and the concern expressed in it. When she did, she laughed for several minutes. We assured Walter that we knew where the farm was and that was not it.

The kids did very well on the trip – all thirteen hours of it. Considering our route, Mama and I decided to pick up my truck at the airport as we were passing through Dallas. It added an hour to the trip, but it was worth extra time to collect the vehicle then versus making the two to three hour round trip to get it Thursday evening. It was 9:45 pm when I pulled through the toll booth exiting the airport parking. Mama and I stopped at a Buckee’s on the way home for her to use the restroom, but other than that we headed straight home. We were pulling in the driveway at 11:15 pm. Other than getting the kids out of the car and put to bed, we did very little to unpack the car. I was up and off to work at 5:45 the next morning. A short night but a safe trip home.

Cathryn and Walter are enjoying the farm. All the kids we have over to the farm enjoy the house as well. The overly large living area is a made-to-order play area and Mama has accumulated a wealth of toys kids enjoy from baby dolls to building blocks, Lincoln logs and Legos to dishes and dinosaurs. When the kids go out with Mama to feed, she takes time to pet the animals, to explain the sounds the animals are making, to show how the animals react to certain movement, to make her menagerie a fun type of working. Cathryn especially loves the Bantam chickens. They are half the size of the other chickens and Mama’s three baby Bantams will venture very close to anyone they think has special treats; especially the day-old bread we feed out.

Yesterday evening after dinner, once feeding was done, Mama sent the kids over to me as I worked on the goat shelter in the new paddock. Cathryn build a shop of her own with pieces of scrap wood. Walter used a small pair of pruning scissors to cut weeds. The scissors are made in such a way that he could not possibly have cut himself with them. Both of them worked at their respective tasks for a couple hours as I began to put the roof supports on the building. Tonight, we will get the nanny goats from Rick, so I have to get the boys out of the area they are now in so our girls can have it. The fencing is complete on the new paddock, but Mama is hesitant to put the boys over there without a shelter to keep the rain off them. Lord willing, I should have that done this weekend.

Meanwhile, Brittany let Mama and I know she is pregnant. Praise the Lord! We have been praying for her and Andrew as they planned for another child. I am not praying for twins this time, but I would not be shocked of God did bless them that way a second time. Twins fit Brittany’s personality. After all, if you are going to put that much effort into a pregnancy, why have just one baby?

God is so good.

Class, travel

It was good to get home last night. Even if it was after 11 pm. I have been traveling since Monday morning. Teaching a class in Andalusia, AL. Meeting Mama and the grandkids in Pensacola, FL. Driving home with her and the grandkids all day yesterday. Teaching the class was the pivot point that made the whole travel plan work out the way it did. I flew into Pensacola Monday morning. From there I drove to Andalusia and met with my host. The representative for the company hosting the class. He showed me the classroom he had set up for the class. It was a poor set up for the type of class I was to teach, but he was quite pleased with the effort needed to get the room set up in the manner it was. I knew it would be a tough arrangement to work with, but as an instructor, you just have to adapt. We struggled through the class which turned out fairly well even though the room was crowded. Access and egress was difficult for everyone. To access one side of the room, the participants had to walk around where I stood to teach at the front of the room. The participants would not have known the difference in the way the presentation was adapted for the class unless I had told them. Which I did not. We wrapped up about 3:30 that afternoon. I was leaving the site by 4 pm. Headed to meet Mama.

Mama and I had agreed that it would be best for us to meet at the Cordova Mall. It is less than a mile from the airport. I was there be 5:30. She and the kids had walked around, played games and basically just killed time waiting to meet me. Other than stopping to fill the rental car with gas on my way to Pensacola, I did not stop. Meeting in Pensacola was great for me and Mama since it is a familiar area for both of us. I called Mama as I was getting fuel to let her know I was only ten minutes from the mall. She told me where she was parked so I could find her easily. When I parked, I saw Mama, Cathryn and Walter coming out of the mall, so I hid behind a pillar and waited for them to pass me before I popped out to surprise them. Once Mama got through hugging and kissing me, the kids joined in. We were in no particular hurry, so we took our time saying hello.

Mama and I took a few minutes to transfer my luggage over to the Sequoia so that when I returned the car, all I would have to do was hand in the keys and get my receipt. The smaller airport made it great for us to coordinate the rental car return. Mama just followed me into the garage and parked nearby while I spoke to the attending agent. It took about ten minutes to complete the transaction. From there we headed to a hotel I had booked for us near the beach. The traffic was so heavy in a couple areas that we stopped for dinner before we even got to the causeway that would take us over to the Pensacola Beach area. What is normally a thirty-minute drive took us over an hour and a half. Dinnertime excluded.

The hotel, expensive though it was, was a bit of a disappointment; but it was across the street from Pensacola Beach. The staff was great. The room was adequate. The bed turned out to be great for me and Mama. It was only for one night. We were put in a third-floor room on the side opposite the bars that backed up to the east side of the hotel. Fortunately, elevators were available for Mama. Once we go our stuff to the room and changed, we walked to the beach. It was crowded but not overly so. A concert of sorts was going on, so the largest concentration of people was in the pavilion area. Mama, the kids and I set up a good way from the concert, a little way back from the surf and immediately started hunting for shells. Cathryn and Walter took a few minutes to get used to the waves but eventually were playing freely in the shallows. Mama and I took them across some “deep water” to a sandbar. The deep water was about eighteen inches deep, but when you are only about three feet tall, that is a considerable depth to wade through. Once on the sandbar you would have though the two of them had swan across the ocean to get where they were. They were very impressed with themselves having conquered the dangerous water crossing. After they survived the trek the first time, they went back and forth over and over again. Walter tripped and dunked himself a couple times, but did not seem bothered by it. Cathryn stayed above the water at all times.

We did not find many shells, but we had a great time (only a couple hours) at the beach. The kids were worn out by the time we got cleaned up and laid down. We needed a good night’s sleep. The drive home was going to be a long one.

Reservations, travel plans, produce

I had a busy morning this morning. Arranging accommodations for Mama and the kids as they travel. Amending my travel plans to help her get home on the second leg of her trip. Completing all the required paperwork to make all my business travel work out within the company guidelines. Gathering the class materials for the class next Tuesday. Getting permissions for two other instructors that have classes coming up that also require travel. All of that while navigating through a more than normally occupied office. It is hard to find a quiet place to make the phone calls. At least, quiet enough that I can hear what is being said by the person speaking with me. Anyway, reservations are made in Jacksonville, FL and in Pensacola, FL for those respective nights of travel. I told Mama, hotels are expensive. Especially when you think about sleeping there for only one night. I suppose it is a necessary part of traveling, but it is a ridiculously high cost for a night’s sleep.

Mama is making her plans to travel as we head into the weekend. There has been a good bit of discussion about how and when to tell the children that they will be leaving with Grammy Monday morning. I am not sure a timeline has been settled yet, but the consensus it would be better to tell Cathryn and Walter either Sunday night or Monday morning that they are traveling. All in all, it depends largely on how Maggie and Aaron react on the morning the kids are being packed into Grammy’s vehicle. Right now, they are spending a lot of time with Grammy. One more trip with Grammy would not seem out of the ordinary. Happy faces on the part of the parents would confirm the happy nature of the trip. Sad faces would only instill fear. Send them off happy and Mama will deal with the rest. A written letter of permission to travel with and to treat the kids if necessary would help if such explanations or permissions are required at any point. But I do not know if that is being done yet.  

Having Maggie, Cathryn and Walter will fill the Sequoia as we travel to Victoria next month. We will have the three of them, me, Mama, Victoria, and Jake. How we are going to manage travel in Victoria is somewhat in question as well because we pick up Brittany and the girls at Bush International in Houston on day then we well be picking up Cori at the same airport. On another day. That brings our total to eleven. The Sequoia has seating designed for seven. With all the space we typically use for luggage being taken up by passengers, we will be short on that space as well. We will figure it out. Two vehicles leaving the farm together. Renting a car in Victoria. Borrowing a car from friend or family. We have time to work on the best solution. It is going to be a fun challenge.

Summer is almost here. We are in an extended time of pleasant evenings. Most evenings are in the high 60s or low 70s. The daytime temperatures are creeping into the mid-90s. Triple digit temperatures are only a couple weeks away, but we have had an unusual reprieve from the heat, and we are enjoying it. A portion of our vegetables were planted in plastic tubs the cattle had licked clean of the minerals and molasses they once contained. That has worked out well for us. As the temperatures have crept higher, I was able to move the tubs into less sunny areas. They still get six to eight hours of direct sun but are shaded from the brutality of the late afternoon sun. For the tomatoes, watering is required every day. After several years of not getting any tomatoes, we are pleased how well the plants are producing this year.

The peaches will be ready to pick by the time Mama and I get back to the farm next week. The blueberries are ripening six to ten at a time with hundreds in various stages of maturing. Our grapevine has several clusters of grapes, but I am not sure if it will let the fruit ripen. Some of those very tiny grapes in the clusters have already turned into raisins. All but a few of the blackberries produced by the plants I relocated have been eaten before we got to harvest them. I am willing to share, but some critters have been quite selfish. I may have to relocate the blackberries to the back yard this Fall so Mama and I can enjoy them.

Our cucumbers, pumpkins and beets are still doing very well. The cucumbers we are getting are about two feet long. I do not eat cucumbers, so I have given them away in Mama’s absence. Okra was a failure this year. You win some. You lose some.

Fortunately, we do not rely on what we can produce for our food supply. If we did, Mam and I would have no problem getting down to our desired weight.

Class, play day, trust, generosity

Class yesterday went very well. It was one of those classes when almost everyone participates in the discussions. We discussed some proposed regulatory changes that will directly impact the contract companies I had in attendance. They were thankful for the heads-up on what may potentially shift how they qualify their personnel because of how the companies they do contract work for will be forced to comply with the new regulations. Things are about to get more difficult for all of us. We spent more time in discussions than normal but that is always the best part of the class. For me and for the participants. I was tired when I got home but I muddled through the chores, through the feeding, through collecting eggs. I showered and got ready for church without much time to eat or rest. Class days are always late days. By the time we go home from church, I was totally worn out.

We have a sort of play day at work today. Once per quarter we have a Team Building event. It can be anything from a presentation from a guest speaker to a scavenger hunt. Everyone in the company that is available to attend is expected to be at the office for the event. About one third of our employees work remotely, so it is a chance to get together with those we do not see very often. It is always a pleasant distraction, but it does interrupt the normal flow of work in the office. I will struggle to meet the expectations of those who attend class yesterday in getting all their information entered into our system by the time some of them need it next week. We will make it work, but the timing will be close for some.

Maggie called me yesterday to let me know she and Aaron had come to a decision. They have agreed to let Mama bring Cathryn and Walter home with her when Mama leaves Monday morning. It is a good decision. One Mama and I planned for – which made it a more logistically possible. Mama is staying over in Wilmington through the weekend so she can be there for Maggie’s baptism on Sunday. Mama will have to make the trip home with the two grandkids, but I think she can manage. It will take longer. Perhaps two nights in hotels and a lot more meal expense but it can be done. Sadly, if Mama drives all the way to Tuscaloosa, AL Monday, I will be less than 200 miles from her. I have a class to teach in Andalusia, AL on Tuesday next week. I have puzzled through meeting her and helping her drive the rest of the way home.

Letting the kids come home with Mama takes a good bit of trust on Maggie and Aaron’s part. We appreciate that trust and will do everything in our power to honor and protect it. Meanwhile, Maggie and Aaron will be free to begin the process of discovery required to begin a healing and restoration process that will move them slowly past the issues they now deal with. Common though those issues are, each couple has to discover how to apply the remedies to their relationship. Maggie will fly into DFW a day before Jake flies into Love Field. The next day (July 11) we will travel to Victoria for Joshua’s Wedding. It should be fun.

Aaron’s parents were very generous to me and Mama. They had told us last week that they wanted to send us some money to help with the finances required to make this trip. To get the kids and bring them home with us for a while. To give Maggie and Aaron some space. And they did in an overly generous way. What they have given us will help in a big way. Especially as Mama comes home. As things stand now, Mama is going to meet me in Pensacola as I finish up a class next Tuesday in Andalusia. She will travel to Jacksonville, FL and spend the night, Monday night. The next morning, she will drive to Pensacola or Navarre. Wherever I reserve a room for us. It will be a long drive home (about twelve hours) but it is one we have done before. And we will be able to do it together.

Brittany’s is today. Don’t ask me how old she is. That is Mama information. I do well to get the dates right.

Who we are

I sure miss Mama. When you build your life around a person, or perhaps better put, when you add your life to the life of another, it is a challenge to get through a “normal” routine when that other person is not with you. In that respect, I understand how Brittany and Maggie’s lives are affected by the deployment of their husbands. But their lives are set up differently than ours. Those periods of doing things solo are built into the regimen of their lives - of necessity. Accounted for as a requirement of the duty in which their husbands serve. Mama’s and my life together is built around the two of us getting our portions of the divided load accomplished so the other has time to complete their portion. Each adding to the other. Each with a different set of tasks to get done as we strive for a common goal. It is not that it makes things easier when we are working together, our lives and work are set up to be accomplished by two people, when the load falls to one of us it is a significant load.

Nevertheless, we adapt. I have purposely set up the farm so that it can be managed by one person. Fortunately, Mama got feed when we dropped off the pigs last week. That will not fall to me in her absence. When managing the home (shopping, cleaning, laundry, feeding the inside dogs, keeping the bird feeders full, tending to the indoor plants, mowing, etc.), managing our business (calls to be made, appointments to be managed, checks to be written and mailed out, etc.), coordinating our outside obligations (egg deliveries, dog grooming, appoints for sundry needs, etc.), and so many other things that are typically done by both of us working in tandem rests on either of us alone, it takes a good deal of coordination to figure out how to fit everything in. Often interrupting my workday to get some of those items completed on time. It is only a temporary situation, but really miss having Mama with me. However, what she is doing right now is far more important than anything I am scrambling to do. I did let my manager know that I would be interrupted during the day more than usual because of Mama’s current absence. They are okay with that.

Mama called me last night to let me know that Maggie had gone to the airport to pick up Aaron. He flew home at the behest of his command. Recognizing that both Maggie and Aaron are young, inexperienced and awkward still yet in their marriage, we can only hope and pray that the two of them agree to begin to walk the road of resolution and recovery. Whatever that may mean. Whatever that may take. Mostly, it is a pathway of surrender. Of forgiveness. Of recognizing each individual’s part in the problem and each individual’s part in the resolution. Painful at first. Peaceful in the end. Remembering we are sinners at best. Each of us. Easily justifying our actions. Blind to our selfishness. Nurturing of our pride. Falsely empowered by our anger and self-righteous rage.  In marriage, only when the Biblical intent of the two becoming one flesh is accomplished can we live our lives putting the other ahead of ourselves and live to serve that person. Forsaking all others. Our own selves included. It is a big undertaking. It can only be a success when the Lord is in control. I do not know Aaron well but for Maggie, surrender is an issue. Always has been. Yielding control to another is not in her nature. Regardless of the control she is abdicating. Fortunately, Maggie has a new nature. She simply needs to learn to live in that nature. As do we all.

Our marriage has been blessed because Mama is a master of selflessness. So much so that she feels guilty when she has to spend money for her own needs or desires. Of course, LuLa Roe falls outside of that guilt category until she has to pay for it. That is, until she tells me I have to pay for it. So far that has been manageable. A little frustrating but manageable.

Back to the situation in North Carolina. For the moment, Mama is planning on coming home this weekend. We are taking this one day at a time. My hope is that Maggie and the kids will come back with Mama to spend some time with us at the farm. Maggie may feel awkward in that setting but the kids would thrive. Living with Mama has a profoundly positive affect on children. That is why Alex is desperate for Mama to take Yilin for as many days as possible this summer. That would be great for Yilin. Perhaps not so much for Mama. But we will probably give it a try. Mama has worked with children more rambunctious than Yilin. Yilin has a good heart. A good nature. She is just a continuous blast of excess energy.

Cathryn and Walter would do well to be with Mama for an extended time. Maggie would as well. We are certainly willing if she is.

What just happened?

How was my Father’s Day? Not good at all. Friday morning, Mama called me in a panic. Maggie was checking herself into the hospital for a psyche evaluation. The kids were with a friend. Aaron was under way somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. It appeared to be a dire situation. Mama had either contacted or been contacted by Aaron’s parents and they had agreed to purchase a one-way ticket for Mama to fly to Wilmington. The cost was $700. I was not in favor of Mama moving too fast in the situation as it was unfolding, but there seemed to be some genuine urgency. If Mama had to go, I suggested that she drive in case she needed to bring back Maggie and the kids. At the very least, she would have a way home when she was no longer needed to help Maggie and the kids. We really did not know the need, or the extent of the time Maggie would be in the hospital, but Mama was prepared to stay with Maggie or bring her and the kids home with her until Aaron’s deployment was done. That date is several weeks out.

So, Mama headed out on her 1200-mile drive to get to Wilmington early Saturday morning. Aaron was in contact with his parents and had talked over with them several potential solutions to address the underlying cause, but nothing had been settled. Mama was nearly at the halfway point, Tuscaloosa, Al when Maggie called Mama to tell her she had been released from the hospital. It was all the fault of a change in medications. Maggie told Mama she was not needed. She should go home. At that point a flurry of calls ensued, and it was decided by all parties other than Maggie (Aaron, his parents, me and Mama, others I will not mention) that Mama continue on to Wilmington.

The way Maggie was talking and acting did not line up with her insisting that she was okay. When she called to fuss at me about Mama’s coming, I told her that at the least I would have expected her to tell Mama, “I am so sorry to have caused all this concern. I really am okay. If you want, go ahead and come so you can at least spend a couple days with the grandkids, please do. They would love to see you. But if would be better for what you and dad need, you can go back home.” That was not the response we were getting. Rather it was a defensive response of Maggie not wanting us to interfere in her life. So, she began a campaign of calling everyone she could think of to tell them what a horrible situation she was in trying to defend her marriage and her children from her interfering parents. Mama began receiving those chastising calls from people Maggie had taken that position with almost immediately. All while she was continuing her drive to Wilmington.

Prior to or somewhere near her checking herself into the hospital Maggie had called Aaron’s command and talked to them. I am not sure what she told them, but they were willing to send Aaron to her; to the point that they docked early Sunday morning and purchased a ticket for him to fly home. That was Sunday morning. By Sunday evening, Maggie had convinced Aaron that the entire incident had been blow entirely out of proportion. Everything was fine. He could continue his deployment. He decided to follow her advice and stay with the boat. Nothing to see here. How his command reacted to that is not known to me, but I expect it was not a feather in Aarons cap. I was a little angry after I talked to Aaron, but there is nothing I can do. Except to be certain that we will not do this again.

I am sure Mama will have a good visit for the days she is there with Maggie and the kids. At least, I am praying she does. She needs to rest up a day or two before turning around and coming home. Gas, meals, hotels, etc,, $850 plus. 2500 miles of road to cover and the inherent dangers involved in that. Mama and I are asking each other, “what just happened?” No one can tell us.

Meanwhile, because of the urgency required on Maggie’s part Friday and Saturday, along with Mama’s leaving to help as much as she could in that situation, Brittany had to change her plans to come down for Father’s Day and spend this week with us. Her birthday is Thursday. Andrew is deployed right now so she wanted some company on her birthday. That’s not going to happen. With finances already very tight, Mama and I had to spend money tagged for other purposed that will now have to wait another month or two as we try to recoup the losses. Aaron’s parents are sending us some money to help defray the expenses of Mama’s travel, but at this point I feel like we would be taking money under false pretenses. Eventually my irritation will abate, but my sensitivity to responding in this manner again has definitely been calloused.

On the bright side, I got to hear from all my children on Father’s Day. I love being a Daddy and a Papi. In spite of all life often throws at me as I occupy that office.

God has been and continues to be overwhelmingly good to me and Mama.

Maggie, cash flow, Brittany

What to do? A friend of Maggie’s took her to the hospital last night because Maggie was so excessively tired that she was not able to function in normally. As expected, all the test results came back either normal or inconclusive. I have my own theories as to what is going on, but I will withhold those judgements for now. Mama talked with the friend this morning about the situation and neither of them was satisfied with any immediate solution they could see. We are not sure what our response should be, but Mama wants to fly to Wilmington and bring Maggie and the kids back to the farm. At a one-way flight cost of $500, and the remaining cost of travel in Maggie’s vehicle from Wilmington to our farm (1300 miles of driving – eighteen hours - and gas plus meals and at least one night in a hotel: $650.) I am not thrilled with the idea because it only addresses the travel in one direction. It does not solve how we would get Maggie and the kids back home once the current situation is resolved.

Mama called me very early and asked me to pray about letting her go to Wilmington – and finding a way to cover those costs. I asked in response that we pray that the Lord helps Maggie snap out of her current emotional collapse. That He restores her quickly. On her own. Without extensive outside caregiving. It is impossible to know what is on the head or heart of any person, but I hesitate to assume that we are the solution in every one of these situations. When we are, Mama and I do not mind making ourselves accessible, but we cannot automatically assume that that is the case. God is bigger than that.

Aaron is at sea and unable to come home right now. To send him home again for another medical emergency would certainly impact his career in a negative way. So, I am not sure that is the right solution either. I know the Lord has the answer at hand, we just have to pray and be ready to respond as directed when directed. As her Mom and Dad, Mama and I will do whatever is needed to make sure Maggie’s needs are met, but I am not certain this morning what is truly needed. If we bring Maggie to the farm, Aaron will have to get to us to get his family back home. Too many variables to suit me.

Meanwhile, Mama and I are wrestling to balance financial promises we have made and financial obligations we have with the cash we have available. It is a workable situation if we are prayerful, careful, and frugal. Any deviation from what we must get done has to be avoided until we sell one of the two houses we are now remodeling. We are at the point that I am considering selling the truck, the tractor and one trailer to get us over the hump. But even that will take some time to accomplish. By all indications, we are only a six to ten weeks away from selling one house, but in financial equivalencies that is a very long timeframe. Eventually it will all work out. It always does. We just have to be very prudent while we resolve our cash flow issues.

In response to cashflow issues, Mama and I applied with a bank in Lawton for a line of credit on the houses we have purchased there, but even with the houses as collateral that application may be rejected. We will know something for certain today. By next week at the latest. I will not be disappointed if that falls through. I would much rather work this business on a cash only basis if possible. But it seemed prudent to ask if we could borrow against the houses we own outright to make the repairs to those houses as we get them ready to market or rent. Most of the borrowing would be on a very short-term basis. Six to eight months on average.

Last night, as Victoria had Grandpa working on her car, she and Mama debated the best way to get Brittany and the twins to the farm. Plans had been set for Victoria to drive to Brittany’s today but her car was having issues that needed to be remedied before she could leave. Victoria, Brittany and the girls would drive to the farm Sunday afternoon. Brittany and the girls would then spend the week with us. I am not certain what decision was made, if any, concerning traveling today, but I did hear a discussion about meeting Brittany halfway tomorrow afternoon.

All told this could be a very interesting weekend.