Idle time, roller coaster emotions, trading out; poor prognosis

Mama and I had planned on getting two head of young heifers from my sister Sarah, but we had to trade those plans out for the reality of getting our truck out of the shop. I have a feeling we are destined for many more of those trade offs in the months ahead since the internet business I am trying to do is not producing any income yet. I have been filling out job applications daily but still getting no response there either. On the bright side, the jobs I am seeing are better quality than I have seen in the past. Some of them I am not overqualified for.

For the moment I am idle. Never a good thing for me. I do not have the money to get materials for any of the projects I need to be working on and I am not making much headway on any money making ventures. I toyed with the idea of taking on a remodel job at the church just to get some money rolling but had to abandon the idea because it would be too much for me physically given my knee and back issues. I know the Lord is still leading but I am having difficulty seeing it. It will all come together soon. It has to.

The roller coaster emotions are hard to deal with. I am an optimist at heart and infinitely gullible because I take people at their word; an admirable quality except for the fact that we live in a world where lying has become a matter of course at the highest levels of authority. It takes a lot of emotional effort to keep my discouragement from spilling out toward Mama and Victoria - or anyone else for that matter - as I struggle to plot a path forward. Again, I know the Lord is still leading but I am having difficulty seeing it. It will all come together soon. 

Luke, Gracie and Joseph are here for the day so the level of activity in the house is pretty high. Jake is fitting himself into the fray as only he can and we have Victoria here to help. That’s a big plus for Mama since Joseph is being potty trained. Mama and Victoria are seasoned pros at the art of potty training. With the stubborn nature of the child in question, it will take both of them to get through the day with any success in this particular area of instruction. My philosophy has always been that until a child feels uncomfortable in a dirty diaper there is no incentive to go potty. Joseph is not uncomfortable yet.

Mama and Victoria went to see Peggy while they were in town. Peggy is an older friend of ours from church. When I take a moment to think about it I realize she is only sixteen years older than I am. She was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with additional metastasis in the liver and spleen. The prognosis is not good. She is weak but in pretty good spirits - for the moment. Her biggest concern is the pain she is having to deal with. She spent her life as a registered nurse so she is fully aware of the progression of the cancer and the additional pain that may be coming to her.

It presents us with one of those moments in life that we are helpless to do anything to help. All we can do is pray and trust that God will do what is impossible in giving her the relief and strength she needs to make it through to what is the ultimate form of healing for the believer; going home to Heaven. I do believe God has the power to miraculously heal her but the circumstances in which He would choose to do so are known to Him only. Peggy is not praying for that, so I will not either. She wants to go home. Until then we will care for her, comfort her, encourage her, smile when she smiles, cry when she cries and share the only things that really matter; our abiding faith and our enduring love.

God will do the rest.