Failure as a good thing, The “Look”, Truth and Hope

I have lived long enough and worked enough different jobs, to have been tested on many things. At my current job, we are tested at least quarterly over different aspects of our job. Unlike educational testing, where it is a one shot chance, we are allowed to repeat the test if needed. That is more like every day life. The driving test, for instance. If you fail, you can study, practice more and then repeat the test until you pass.


So I have adopted the philosophy, at least since college, that if I am faced with a lot of new information over which I am to be tested, that I will prepare as best I can and take the test, whether it is a written, oral, or performance test. If I fail, it will at least expose me to the information I need to study for a passing grade and allow me to see how the test is written or presented. In those cases, failure is not a bad thing. It is actually a good thing. It is almost always a good thing to just try rather than let a fear of failure keep you from trying. (Remember I am talking about challenges, improvements, growth, not temptations.)

Many times a failure has allowed me to improve my skills significantly. Let’s face it, in real life, each new challenge does not always produce a positive outcome; exposure to new tasks does not always result in resounding victories. But when you try, you grow. When you do not try, you stagnate.

One of my unmarried daughters really wants to have children. She knows that is pretty difficult to do within our moral framework. So I keep asking if there are any prospective gentlemen she is interested in. Earlier this week when I asked again, she hesitated and led me to believe there might be but she was unsure if they were interested in her. I asked if she had given them “the look”. She giggled and said she had no idea what I was talking about. She is female, so I know the information is embedded into her genetic code, but she is not very outgoing, so there may be some special sequence of events that have to transpire before the code is activated.

I know what “the look” is, but I do not know how to explain it to her. I told her that her mother would have to teach her; her look certainly worked on me. And I am hesitant to experiment with that certain body language since I am happily attached and do not want to start any problems. But I am sure she has watched enough movies that it will come to her at the right moment. I have discouraged her from using the “Bend and snap” since it may be a little too much for a Bible College campus.

This is one of those situations where hope needs to be founded on truth. The truth is that my daughters are remarkable women. Two of the five are married and two of the remaining unmarried daughters are “attached” – at least for now. I do not seek to give my daughter any false hope. When the man God has for her finally finds her, he will only begin to realize how remarkable she is. I have been married for almost 28 years and I realize every day what a wonderful woman I have married.

(My children know their mother and have asked how it is that I keep saying only good things about her. I tell them, I see what I choose to see. The reality is most of what I see is good - when I keep the proper perspective. I know my wife and when she acts “out of character” I know something is wrong. I find out what is wrong and, if I can, I fix it rather than get mad and add to the problem.)

Several years ago, when my eldest daughter was looking at the young man who is now her husband, I advised her to see the individual only for what he was, honestly – nothing more, and nothing less. At the ripe old age of twenty he was not going to represent the “finished product”, what she should rather be looking for is the “raw materials” like his character, his choice of friends, his interaction with other young ladies, and his work ethic, to name a few. I can say this with some confidence because I look back and realize that I only began to mature, really mature, around the age of thirty and I have seen the same in many other young men.

Hopefully, her young man will find her soon. I have been praying for him since my daughter was very young. I predict that he will be pleasantly surprised.