Instant trees, the will to win

Mama asked me last night if I would put up the Christmas tree we had with us. I said yesterday that it is an artificial tree. What I did not say is that it is a small one. It is 6’ tall but it is pretty narrow. It is more of a column than Christmas tree shaped. Mama, to her credit, did not say much. In the house we are renting, it is about all that will fit the available space.


Our neighbor is going to loan us some lights for the outside of the house so I do not have to rush to replace any of lights we left behind at 6 Gifford and I think Mama had some extra things I will have to put up this week. All in all, the house will look Christmas-y. It will make Mama a little happier.

Presents are being bought and a budget has been set. Honestly, as we added it up yesterday – how much Mama was planning to spend in all – Mama was a little shocked at the total. I am used to it, but I am hoping at some point we get away from spending so much for gifts every year. However, at this point in our lives, I see no end in sight.

Cori called me to ask about discipline problems in our past. Specifically, was there a child we could not get through to no matter how severe the punishment? The answer is “Yes”, at times. I have to explain that discipline is teaching your child to do right. Punishment is what comes when the child resists the training toward discipline.

Many parents lose the battle here because they have divided attentions – other children in the home, life’s daily demands, work, etc. - while the child has a singular focus, resisting the will of the parent. They do not know why they feel the way they do, but having adopted a defiant posture, they are unwilling to relent. It takes a lot of time, focus and emotional energy to win these battles, but the effort will pay great rewards.

As we encountered these moments we learned to enforce the discipline with some form of punishment but each of our seven children required a different form of punishment. It took some time to realize what worked with each child, but we eventually did. It also took some time and prayer to understand if there was a particular reason for their acting out. Most times it was purely a matter of their stubborn, selfish will but we prayed about it each time we struggled through one of those moments.

These encounters are not a matter of punishing the child into submission but rather of making the consequences of disobedience unpleasant enough that the child will choose right for the sake of avoiding punishment until they are able to choose right for the sake of doing right.

This takes tremendous discipline on the part of the parent and sometimes it does not seem worth it. But remember, your children really are a gift from the Lord and you will enjoy them more as they learn to respect your authority – if only for the sake of avoiding punishment now.

Don’t be afraid to be the boss in your home. Most everyone will come to love you and your children for it – teachers, employers, the police.

Having rule over our own home is one of the most difficult assignments God has given us as moms and dads. He has equipped us to win. He expects us to win.