Mama’s struggles, Christmas cheer? Real giving

Mama did not have a good night last night. We had a wonderful evening baking pies and a cobbler, but she did not sleep well at all. Last night was the first night with her new CPAP (Constant Positive Air Pressure) machine. I was a little apprehensive when she told me she and the tech had chosen the one that fit under the nose rather than the full face mask, but it is worth a try. It did not work out well for her on the first night.


All the doctor said to her during her follow up to the sleep study was, “Well, you got it good.” The study showed that she stopped breathing about every 50 seconds. That means that the brain would wake the body, reposition the tongue and neck and then go back to sleep – without any conscious memory of the event. That would happen every minute through the night; no wonder she is exhausted. It will take some time to get used to the device but once we settle into a routine of using it I think Mama will be able to tell a difference. At least she will really sleep.

As the week wears on the temperatures predicted for the end of the week are steadily climbing and lessening the chance of snow. That makes a big difference to Mama and me in our plans to leave Amarillo after church Sunday evening. That puts us in Bowie for the morning start to Maggie’s. Mama says she will drive to Bowie while I sleep but we both know that will probably not happen. We should arrive after 1 a.m. and if we leave the next morning at about 9 a.m. we should get to Maggie by 8 p.m. or so depending on our stops en route. So things are coming together. (I am looking up recipes for barbequed cat right now.)

My week has been slightly busier than predicted but things will slow down after the Safety Meeting tomorrow morning. There are a lot of big projects in the works over which I have the majority influence and this being the end of the year, all of them will drag into next year. So we should start with a bang in 2012. If only our finances were not a bust.

I almost got in the Christmas spirit while I was out shopping with Mama on Monday. Despite recovering from the near poisoning of my body to empty my colon, it was fun to look and try to plan for the coming celebration. But, alas, the mood did not take hold. One look at the account balance vs. life’s needs and reality set in. I have to struggle in this world of hype and empty promises to remember that presents and purchases are not the reason for this season at all. They have been marketed as passable substitutes for love or interest in a person, but if our driving interest was the eternal future of any given person our focus would surely shift away from what we can purchase to what we have to give. But ridden with guilt and not wanting to appear cheap we struggle through the season buying and wrapping our gifts in the hopes they will be well received – not thought too cheap. We will lick our financial wounds in January.

Mama and I have avoided that this year to a large degree but neither of us are guilt free in the exercise. I have to remember that that feeling of guilt does not come from the Lord but rather from our sense of not having met expectations – of ourselves and those to whom we give our less expensive gifts.

Sad, isn’t it?

I have no gift to give Mama this year. Giving will come later as our plans take hold and begin to develop. What I can give is myself and the promise that as much as is within my power I will be beside her every day for the coming year. Though it will be year number thirty for us, every day will be brand new.

I plan on living each one as a gift to be given.