Cannonballs, Watermelons and Strawberries, Size vs. Age

We took the kids to the pool yesterday and the six-year–old that Mama has watched for most of his life was with us. I had almost forgotten what good buddies the two of them are. Anyway, he was doing the customary “trick” dives for his age bracket. He started his competition with a well executed cannonball. Then he upped the ante with a brand new invention – the watermelon.
I am afraid we could not judge him on form and execution because Mama and I had no idea what we were looking at. It was like a face-first cannonball. The splash was impressive. His red face was a little frightening to Mama, but he seemed no worse for the ware. So the five-year-old brother to our normal charge (the baby girl) suggested other foods or fruits he should try, a mushroom, a potato, a banana and a strawberry.
For some reason the idea of a strawberry struck his fancy so he put his hands up over his head, wrists together, palms open above like a couple little leaves and jumped into the pool. Mama almost fell out of her chaise lounge which was set in the 6” deep area of the pool. That would have been terrible because she was not prepared to get that wet. It was a “sunning” day for her if you know what I mean?
To kids, especially Elementary School age, size really does matter. I sometimes forget just how very important the matter is. An increase in age is easily verified by an increase in stature. With the six-year-old now having completed kindergarten and on his way to the first grade, the relative age of everyone that looks “childlike” is measured purely by stature. I have not quite figured out when this comparison is abandoned because I find adults still remarking, “He/She is only ten years old?” or ten months old whatever the case may be.
While at the pool he saw another family coming to join in the water fun and remarked about the children in tow, “I’m older than any of them because I’m bigger.” I guess everything we needed to know we really did learn in kindergarten.
I love how wonderfully simple life is at that age.

Rising Heart rates, Pre-event giggles

The older of the two of my daughters that are visiting has been able to spend a lot of time with the person of particular interest to her – her serious boyfriend. It has been fun to watch as a parent as well as a perspective father-in-law. I think my wife is having fun with this also.
Since most of their relationship has been long-distance they are happy to be close to each other but at the same time are trying to be very circumspect, very careful not to be alone together, very careful to give account of themselves. It has been pleasant for all of us; for our love birds and for both sets of parents.
While they were with my wife at Wal-mart the other day my daughter’s boyfriend gave her a hug. Though this is not allowed in the strictest Christian circles among courting couples, we have a difficult time in discouraging the practice. Besides, it’s just so darn cute!
While in the hugging pose my wife sternly warned my daughter that such actions can be dangerous. “Honey”, she cautioned, “You’re going to get his heart rate up!” She was teasing, of course. My daughter and her boyfriend both about fell over laughing and it has become a private joke between them – which I predict it will continue to be for many years to come.
Today we have the little girl, her older brother and another kindergartener; three young ones, six and under. We are going swimming – after a requisite hour of Wii games. All my wife had to say was, “You can get changed.” And the entire mood of the apartment changed instantly. They all three got the pre-event giggles.
That is what happens to children when the anticipation of an event is finally becoming reality. They hurry to get ready. They are frantic to gather the toys or other required items for play and everything, positively everything is hilarious. They were nearly paralyzed with laughter when the baby girl put her sandal on the wrong foot. And when one of the boys suggested that he could use the Disney Princess float, I almost had to call 911.
I love those moments.
Three hours later the moment was over and we had to move on with the day. But we had the moment - amd the memory. If that's all we get, it's enough for now.

“Busy’s”, Mommy practice, Fishing and Magic

My granddaughter was over one year old when my grandson was born. My daughter, as is customary and desirable for the health of the baby (when possible), breast fed her newborn; an activity that captivated the attention of his sister. But, having had exclusive rights to her mommy’s attention for the entirety of her life, she had a little trouble adjusting to the amount of attention her new brother required of their mommy.
I suppose it seemed to her that every time she needed mommy’s attention, her brother was being fed and her mommy would say, “Honey, Mommy’s busy. I’ll help you in a minute when I am done.” For that reason, that particular part of the female anatomy became known as “busys”. A friend of my daughter even made my granddaughter a small shawl to use when she practices feeding her baby doll. As my daughter nears the delivery of her third child, that should come in handy for my granddaughter who, like most three year-olds is a great imitator.
Yesterday my granddaughter was busy undressing her Build-a-Bear and reusing the clothing on her doll. She did pretty well with the shoes and the pants but she was struggling with the halter top and her mommy was definitely enjoying the exercise in frustration. My granddaughter finally looked at her mommy and asked, “Mommy, can you help me put this over my baby’s busys.”
My daughter tries not to laugh too much at the things my granddaughter says to her, (to keep from embarrassing the child) but that one caught her so off-guard that she almost choked. When she had dutifully tied the clothing, she handed the dressed baby back to her smiling daughter she could not contain herself any longer. My granddaughter looked at her baby and laughed along with her mommy.
Last time we went fishing with the kids we were watching it struck me that fishing must seem to them like a little bit of magic – especially when we are not able to see the fish we are trying to catch. Or perhaps it is like a carnival game where you get a surprise if you win. Think about it, we throw a line and baited hook into this enclosure of dark water – as opposed to a swimming pool – and by some unknown mystery, the bobber disappears or the tip of the pole bends and if your timing is right, you reel in a fish.
They are supposed to be there. That is what we have been taught, but to actually pull one of them out of that shimmering blackness is very exciting. I have to admit, it is somewhat the same for me.
Let the magic continue.

Disappointments, Silver Linings, Romans 8:28

Yesterday I received an upsetting disappointment. Through an innocent mistake on the part of the individual handing out the papers announcing our yearly raises I found out that the person most of those with whom I work feel is the least proficient at the job we do is several years ahead of the rest of us in compensation. With the raise I was given this year I just caught up to his salary of last year. In addition, his raise for this year was far higher than mine.
That’s hard to swallow, especially when I have had the assignment of helping people he has taught what we do to un-learn his training and correct what they were told by him. It is probably the most disappointing part of a working-for-a-living life. I am not one to complain but I do feel betrayed by those who have accessed a value to my work as compared to his. But such a disparity is commonplace.
It is one of those times that a sense of powerlessness can overwhelm a person, a dire sense of unfairness in the circumstances, a sense of being not quite good enough. That’s tough to fight, until I remember that God is in control of EVERY aspect of my life. It may not be so with the other individual in question. God has always done more with my limited supply than others do with their seeming abundance. I look forward to Him expanding what I have been given in salary to meet not only my needs but to supply the needs of His work also.
God’s participation in what we have, and are will to give to Him, is always the silver lining to those living the faithful Christian life. What He does through my life may not be expressed in what this world can see, but it will last far past my lifetime.
Romans chapter 8 verse 28 is still a promise to all of us. If you don’t know it, look it up in your Bible.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” All things work together for good. It is a promise worth smiling about!
Although I have to admit, I was not smiling last night.
Today should be like Christmas to my youngest son. A surround sound system that was a safety award is finally at the apartment – after multiple attempts to get it from our old address – as well as several other items he won on an online bidding site.
He may actually smile.

Winners vs. Champions, Kisses from Glo

Our church is hosting a Youth Conference during this week. The preparation has been daunting as we anticipated over three hundred teenagers would attend. We have not been disappointed. There were over three hundred in attendance yesterday and today’s attendance should be even higher if the pattern of years past follows. We even ran out of food during lunch and had to supplement with Wendy’s. Since lunch was Famous Dave’s chicken tenders and fries, Wendy’s was a little disappointing to those who had it. Today that will not happen. On the bright side, there was plenty of salad and few complaints.
Mama and I spent a lot of time running around getting the food and deserts for today’s lunch; Joe’s Subs – the six foot kind - today followed up with Famous Dave’s tonight. Our men are also roasting a pig for tonight with a luau theme. Wish I was there.
The preaching has been extraordinary, as usual, and the large crowds do not seem to be affected by the loss of our air-conditioning system. Yesterday we rented portable units and placed them as best we could to cool the auditorium. It was better than nothing as one of our former members worked very long hours to replace and upgrade our worn-out HVAC system. It will not be ready for several days yet so the portable units may be in place through Sunday.
One of the teenagers at conference was wearing a shirt with these words printed on the back:
Winners train until they win.
Champions train until they cannot fail.
I thought that was a great thought. A person can win by luck, by accident or by default and having won so, may never be able to repeat the success. Champions win over and over and over because they train differently. They think differently. Winning is a goal but never failing is the objective. Being so on top of their game that they automatically perform better than anyone else on the field of play is the master plan. Being so practiced that their training takes over in any moment of decision allowing them to control the outcome is the real objective of their focus.
I have often been a winner at many different things – but nothing consistently. I have been a champion at very, very few things – nothing athletic and nothing that is a solo activity. I list Mama’s and my marriage in this category – a team effort; something to which I am so committed that I can allow nothing to distract my focus on the Lord and on my wife. It is a continual effort because if I fail on that front, many will suffer. On the fathering effort, time will tell if I am a winner or, with God’s help, a champion.
My family in Arkansas watches a young special needs child of the pastor and his wife. Glo (her nickname) is the youngest of a very talented, hard-working and gifted family. Her gift is yet to be revealed. One of my daughters and her Grandpa are the most involved in the care we give – and it is very labor intensive since Glo is almost five years old with the mind of a one and one half year-old. With her body so far ahead of her thought processes, she is a handful, headstrong, demanding, and playful. (Perfectly normal for the way she relates to the world.) She can walk, which is helpful, because she is a heavy load when she decides she wants to be carried. She definitely loves attention and it is fun to give it to her.
Yesterday my daughter called to report that she had received her first real kiss from Glo. I think it is an honor to be inducted into such a select group of people to be loved by such a child.

Congratulations Victoria!

Children coming home, Apartment Living

My youngest daughter came for an extended visit on Saturday. It will be a much more pleasant visit since we were able to work out our differences prior to her arrival. Her next older sister is coming today for a short visit – mostly to see her “Honey” but I am hoping she can spare some time for me and Mama.
It is both fun and stressful when children no longer living with the parents come home for a visit. Fun to see them and talk with them about their lives and their dreams; to see how things are going for them and see if what you tried to instill in them when they were much younger are evident somewhere in their lives at present.
It is stressful because the relationship is changing. I hesitate to say the relationship has changed, as if it is finalized between the independent child and you – the parent. It is changing and will continue to change for many years to come. My greatest concern for my eligible children is who they will marry. Next to salvation, which I believe is the most important life change; the choice of a spouse will have an enormous influence on the parent/child relationship in the years to come. I spend many hours of my life in prayer for that decision alone in the lives of my children.
Since I have seven children and there are seven days of the week I devote one day per week to meeting with God for the life of my child on the day that corresponds to his or her day of the week. I have done this for many years and I am seeing the fruit of that labor.
Mama and I were talking as we traveled home from the airport the other day and told the two children present that one of my earliest criterion for selection of a spouse was the willingness to have twenty children. When I bounced that question off of their Mama, her immediate response was, “Would you settle for fourteen?” Obviously I agreed. It dawned on me as we laughed at the memory that we will indeed have fourteen children – when all our seven children are married. We are up to nine right now.
One of the problems with selling the house is that we had to move into an apartment. The difference in available living space is underwhelming. Not quite depressing, but dangerously close. Having children come for a visit only reinforces the loss. It is as if our lives have somehow imploded – mostly for the better, but still at a noticeable cost.
We will always willingly share what we have and our children know that, but our ability to give them long-term refuge is severely dampened at the moment and, as Daddy, it burdens me with a sense of failure in that regard. Hopefully it is only a transitional period.
That’s what I’m praying anyway.

Boy will be boys, Candy purse, Waffles

Friday we went fishing again with the three boys. We will only have the three of them for another couple of days and Mama and I wanted to take them fishing several times while we had the chance. It was more fun this time since two worked to keep the ducks at bay and one fished in the little area where we were actually catching fish. The geese and ducks put up quite a fight, but the boys triumphed – at least until we ran out of bread to feed them.
Most of my south coast friends would consider these bait fish but with the right equipment – light weight tackle- the boys thought they were catching some whoppers. They each caught a couple and again they each wanted to touch each fish caught, compare size and color and watch the release. But that soon became old hat. One wanted to feed the fish and while it was in my hand he actually tried stuffing a piece of bread in the fish’s mouth. Now, I realize these poor things are holding their breath as long as I have them out of the water so I did not want to take too long, but I did not want to rush either.
The next catch one of the boys asked if he could touch the fish’s eyes. I said okay but drew the fish away when he admitted he really wanted to poke the eye out. He did manage to scrape away on scale from the fish’s side before I got it released, but no further damage was done through the day.
As the two hours progressed, Mama caught a perch that looked like it was going to break the pole she was using. It turned out to be huge for a bluegill, bigger than my hand and over an inch and one half inch thick. We guessed it to weigh about one pound. I would love to have taken it home to eat, but I did not think it was a good idea for the boys to see me gut and filet a fish since I would not let them poke the eyes out of an earlier catch.
My wife keeps mints and gum in a special little purse within her purse. Our kids have always known this. Now it appears to be common knowledge at the church and every evening there are several little ones that seek her out. Two of them cannot even talk, they just point to her purse and nod as she talks to them. It bothers my wife a little that she is known for her candy rather than her love for the child – and she truly does love them. I try to assure her that they will come to know her love for them, but for right now she just needs to remember to keep her candy stash full at all times.
I got the honor of making waffles yesterday. It was about 94 degrees outside but that is where I had to use the waffle iron since we did not want to set off the fire alarm in the church. It was the only snack we had prepared for the little ones we have in our primary church and Mama was not going to let them go without a snack – nor was I. Needless to say, I worked up quite a sweat in the half hour I was out there, but the kids appreciated it.
I needed a good sweat on Father’s Day.

Badminton, Hula hoops, Are you alive?

My wife is an advocate of as well as a frequenter of Dollar Stores. I am not sure it really saves us money since we buy things there that are disposable in the strictest sense of the word. Lately she has been trying to get “boy” things since we are watching the three brothers. Because everyone knows that no self-respecting boy wants to paddle around the pool in a Princess or Dora the explorer float. And since we had only the little girl for quite some time that was all we had.
Her latest purchases have included Styrofoam light-up swords that make the kind of noise that makes us say “Outside with those!” every time the button is pressed, and badminton rackets with “birdies”. I cautioned her about the rackets. The swords are made for the purpose of hitting each other, the rackets are not, and to watch these boys swing at the birdies with those rackets makes me wonder how we are going to get it off of the third story roof at our apartments. The saving grace is that the birdies are not exactly aerodynamic - and they rarely make contact with the birdie or each other.
I had to talk her out of the hula hoops. But it might have been worth it to hear the little one laugh the way she did when either my wife or I tried to show them how it was supposed to work. Neither of us is in hula hoop shape and they were small and poorly weighted so we did not succeed for more than one half revolution of the hoop. And I suppose to watch it fall to our feet as we gyrated was almost more than the little girl could handle. We settled for hand puppets and a baby doll since these would be easier on our backs.
My daughter in Florida goes to a church that is a baby factory. All of her good friends have young ones the same ages – from newborns to five years old. One particular friend told my daughter that she was breast-feeding her several months old and her four-year-old became very curious. It is always a slightly uncomfortable moment to be watched as intently as a child is apt to do while feeding a baby in this way.
But she was particularly intrigued by the look of somewhere between shock and wonder on the older sons face, but like a good Mommy is wont to do, she waited for the question. It was one for which she was not ready.
“Mommy,” he asked, “Are you alive?”
Taken aback by the question, she answered wide-eyed, “What, honey?”
“Are you alive while he’s eating you?”
(Only in the mind of a child could such a question be considered.)

Prayer - a Wireless Connection, I know a song, Moving hearts

During our travels to West Virginia we came across a marquee at a small church off the beaten path. It read: Prayer is still the best wireless connection. I had my son write it down because I knew I would forget if I did not.
When I worked for Nazarene Publishing House in Kansas City, Missouri, the director was famous in the town for the “pithy” sayings he would place on the marquee. I am sorry to admit that I do not remember any of them (since I did not write any of them down), but I do remember smiling and wishing I could be that clever. This out of the way marquee reminded me of those days – except for the writing it down part.
We left for West Virginia much earlier than we normally do since we wanted to stop at Cabela’s on the way. We needed a fishing pole for a birthday present for my granddaughter and not just any fishing pole would do. It needed to be pink, preferably with princesses on it. Cinderella or Snow White might have done but Barbie was out. And it is difficult to know what you are getting sometimes when orders are made online. So we spent about an hour shopping, found what we needed for her and found the reel I was looking for, leaving without too many extras.
We arrived in West Virginia at a very early hour so we had an unusually long time to visit and it was well worth the extra effort on our part. On one trip to Ripley we were talking about our son traveling to Costa Rica this summer, learning Spanish, etc. My wife remarked that she had a very hard time absorbing the language, but she could easily sing a song in Spanish – referring to a Steve Green album we play often.
My sister-in-law said, “Then you’re covered. All you have to do when you go the store looking for fruit or something is say, ‘Wait a minute! I know a song with apple in it!’” My wife laughed and admitted that although she could sing the words she had no idea what the words meant. To which my sister-in-law replied, “Well it’s a darn good thing it is a Christian songwriter otherwise you could get yourself I real trouble”; which reminded us of the younger brother telling the prospective son-in-law how to say things in Greek in the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” My son is probably safe since he does not know any songs in Spanish.
Yesterday my granddaughter came very close to slamming her face into the concrete of the driveway as she got her foot tangled up getting out of the car. Luckily her mommy was there to catch her and save her from the fall. As she got her feet planted safely she turned with her hand on her chest and said with complete surprise, “Mommy, my heart is moving.”
Incidentally, so was Mommy’s.

West Virginia, Arkansas, Florida, English as a second language

As we plan our overnight trip to West Virginia I am a little saddened by the fact that it may be one of our last trips there. After twenty eight years of traveling to and from the state, we may have very little reason to make the trip again after our son’s orthodontist appointments are finished.
Most of the travels we have done were to visit family. Rarely did we go just to see something in a particular location; it was almost always with the intent of seeing someone. It still is. But, sadly, most all of our family is moving out of West Virginia and though we still have good friends as well as extended family there, none are as close as family. Lots of people we love but are not close to.
When we moved away from Kansas City, Missouri many years ago we left friends behind that I am sure we will never see again this side of Heaven. I am afraid the same is going to be true of West Virginia. The thought is a little depressing, but such is life in our very mobile society.
For now our focus is on Arkansas (our children are there) and Florida (our grandchildren are there). I should probably add Texas to the mix since my parents are still there, but we do not make it there very often and being the child is not nearly as much fun as being the parent or grandparent.
Last night we were practicing some songs to be done in ensemble for the Youth Conference later this month. One of these is an older Southern Gospel song that has a fun play on words in the chorus which is telling about the rapture.
“I’m gonna let the glory roll when the roll is called in Glory.
I’m gonna get beside of myself when I get beside of my King that day.
I’m gonna have the time of my life when the time of my life is over.
I’m gonna get carried away when I get carried away.”
I realized the Korean man that often leads our choir, but was singing tenor with the ensemble was really confused by the words. I explained that “letting the glory roll” is shouting with excitement, “getting beside myself” is being so excited or overjoyed that I feel like by body cannot contain it all. Having the “time of my life” is an unexpected joy in an activity, like the best thing that a person can ever remember participating in. Getting “carried away” explains what happens when two children start out gently rolling a ball back and forth between them and end up kicking it as hard as they can, breaking lamps and light fixtures; because they got too carried away.
“English”, he smiled, “is a very difficult second language.”
“Yea, sometimes it’s hard to get a grip.”

Fishing with kids, Goose poop

I bought my fishing license on Wednesday in anticipation of going fishing today. The weather was beautiful after a full day of rain yesterday and the three boys and one little girl were pretty excited. Since Mama Kim and the kids have made it a regular morning activity to feed the fish in the area we were planning to catch them, it was all familiar enough that adding the new twist of actually catching the fish made it seem very exciting.
Recently I bought some fishing gear from a coworker and among the things he sold me was a very nice rod and reel but it is a spinning reel and those do not work well for kids. So while I was at Walmart getting the license I also bought a closed face bait casting reel and rod combination. It was an Ugly Stick rod which appealed to the eight-year-old boys. I also bought a container of giant meal worms. That really appealed to the older boys.
We started off pretty well catching some small bluegills at the feeding spot. I spent a lot of time baiting the hook while avoiding getting stuck by it, teaching the boys how to cast and keeping clear of the multitude of little piles of goose poop. Turned out that one of the poop machines living in the pond – a large white duck with an unusual red growth on his beak – was very interested in our little fishing party, which terrified the little girl while thrilling the boys to death. Most of the thirty six meal worms were fed to that duck rather than the fish.
Each of the older boys caught a fish (which they had to handle before releasing) and Mama Kim caught two also (neither of which she handled), so it was a remarkably successful trip. The rod and reel I bought for the kids performed flawlessly – my new spinning reel not so much, but I eventually figured it out. After about an hour and one half we headed to the car, double checked for goose poop clogged shoes soles, warned about keeping hands out of our mouths until they were properly washed and made the two mile drive home. I was fun. I hope it was a good memory for the boys. I hope the little one forgets about the overly friendly “dinosaur duck” – that’s what the boys called it.
I think we will do it again soon.

Wait for me! Angry cars, Listening

I have no love of video games but I see some usefulness in the Wii. At least it offers many multi-player games, which is helpful since we are watching three boys for the next couple of weeks. I have no idea what games we have and I am amazed by the intuitive knowledge these three have of what needs to be done for any of the variety of games we do have available.
But eventually, like all games it leads to competition which leads to accusations of cheating which leads to fighting, etc. This is the reason I usually do not play games of any sort – especially video games. These three brothers tend to tolerate each other well and it is obvious that they are being taught to look out for one another, so their fighting never gets too carried away.
The other day they were playing some progression on the Wii and it was troubling the younger brother that his older siblings were moving too rapidly though the game leaving his character lagging behind somewhere off screen. I kept hearing him say, “Wait for me, you guys, wait for me!” And I thought how odd it was that he thinks of his character in the same way that he would think of himself if his brothers were rounding a corner ahead of him at our apartment complex. I’m sure they all know it’s only a game. Well, maybe I’m sure.
Since I rarely participate in games and usually stand on the sidelines, people who do not know me tend to think I am uninterested. But, from my perspective, it gives me more freedom to listen. I have gotten many insights into the lives of my own children and those we have watched by picking up bits of conversation, off-hand remarks and casual comments that went unnoticed by those in the middle of the activity.
By not being absorbed in the game I have had the freedom to offer help, the time to offer explanation, the convenience of an outsider focus by not being in the competition, and the opportunity to listen rather than focusing on the next move. It’s what works for me.
Speaking of listening, as we were driving home the other day, we pulled up behind a Honda of some sort. It had a tall back end with the lights running down both sides of the lift gate. We were in the fifteen passenger church van and the little girl was sitting in her car seat in the middle of the first row of seats. She looked at the lights of the Honda as it came to a stop in front of us and calmly remarked, “That car’s mad, Mama Kim.”
As much as I tried I could not make out the angry face she was seeing on the car, but she was sure she saw it. As the traffic light turned green and we all began to ease forward, the brake lights went off and she pulled her Sippy cup away from her mouth and said, “Its okay now.”
I’m glad we got that cleared up. I only regret not being able to tell you which angry car to avoid.

GPS Confusion, Who do you blame? Life Direction

The man who pastors our Spanish church also drives a truck for his fulltime job. He, like us, hopes the ministry will become able to support his fulltime pastoral focus in the near future. He was preaching Sunday night and remarked that there are two women in his life that tell him what to do – in limited application. Those females are his wife and “Mary”. Mary happens to be the name he has given to his GPS (Global Positioning System) because it directs him in a woman’s voice.
While he trusts his wife for direction in many areas of his life, he has lost a lot of confidence in Mary. “Mary,” he says, “has gotten me into some rough places, taking me in routes that she should have known better; down one-way streets, through narrow streets and most recently under a bridge too low to let the truck pass through.”
He says he spent one hour stuck under a low bridge. He was only fractions of an inch from being clear of the bridge and with the help of two police officers, he let the air out of his tires and finally cleared the opening. The officers did not even ticket him for the incident which is unusually kind for this area. I guess those officers know what is like to be misled by a female voice.
I know we, my wife and I, rely on our GPS when we are traveling any new route. And I have to admit that it is fun to operate, checking out the local attractions, restaurants, and other points of interest. We find things we could never have seen otherwise; things that cannot be seen from the highway, things that are not listed on the exit signs.
But the GPS systems are not always right and the routes they seek to take you are not always the best routes. But like most things in life, as you gain experience in a geographic location, you can find shortcuts, back streets and less often traveled thoroughfares that can get you to a destination faster or simply help you avoid a traffic jam. The GPS is not good with secondary routes; in fact it discourages the user from even attempting an alternate route until it runs out of “Recalculating” options at which point it will finally figure out what you are trying to do.
So the question is, “If you get lost, whose fault is it?”
I have found that if I give the GPS a known destination, it will always find a route to that destination. If I really don’t know where I am going it is not the fault of either the programming or the operating system of the electronics working behind the scenes in the GPS.
I should know where I want to go before I ask for help getting there.
The tragedy is, more often than not, that decision is what we need the most help with. For those difficult life directing decisions I refer to the Holy GPS (God Positioning System), the Bible. It may not be as easy to use, but give it a chance. After all, it has a built in instruction manual, no updates are necessary, and the developer still takes great interest in His Creation.

Kids with fevers, it’s all good, when they’re little

Our Youth Pastor and his wife have two young boys, age one and one-half and age three. They are real boys, active, busy, interested in anything that involves hitting, throwing, or running. For the past two days they have had a fever. At times the fever was pretty high, so the boys were understandably lethargic as their bodies fought the minor infections.
The pastor was teasing tonight about how great it had been over the past few days as the boys laid around, quiet, still and not needing much oversight. “It has been great!” he said rather loudly. He looked around at the crowd and asked, “What?” Everyone knew he was mostly teasing, but having raised seven kids through too many fevers to count, I can understand needing the break.
He laughed as some people were still processing his remarks and commented, “It’s all good.” And really it is all good. I hear that said very often at work when the discussion has been less than uplifting and someone needs to lighten the mood. It usually works well and as men do, we move onto the next subject. Like the old chief in Dancing with Wolves, when he says, “That’s all I have to say about that.” It’s a good cover.
Our pastor is a really good father, a great man to lead our young people, with a delightful sense of humor which can be a blessing when his two little ones are back to full power. So I can laugh, enjoy the humor and realize that really, it’s all good!
I am sometimes like my wife as she remembers with longing the times when our children were little. I remember an old saying my parents used to tell me in those days. When they are little they step on your toes. When they are older they step on your heart. Boy, is that true.
I never realized how quickly my toes recovered.

Fireflies, Honesty with ourselves, Reading too much into things

As we left the church tonight I saw fireflies (lightening bugs) in the woods near the edge of the church property. It reminded me of all the times we would take the kids into the meadow and see how many we could catch. We would carefully put the captured insects in a large mason jar and watch them light the jar as they explored the confines.
After the kids had gone to bed I would release the prisoners and sit in the open field and watch in wonder as the little bugs spotted the air above the tall grass. I miss the open spaces and the expanse of stars we used to see in the darkened landscape of our farm in West Virginia. There really is so much here where we live right now, but it comes at a price – it is crowded. But not too crowded for lightening bugs.
It reminds me of just how often we make the circumstances fit our attitude by seeing what we want to see. If we are upset we see the things in our circumstances that can be held responsible for our state of discontent. If we are happy, we see the best things around us. If we are content we see the reasons to congratulate ourselves. In reality nothing has to change but our willingness to look at the circumstances differently.
I know I am not honest enough to see my life truthfully. I have to rely on God to help me see things from an eternal perspective and trust that “all things work together for good” even when it does not appear so from my limited perspective. Let’s not forget that I have my wife to set me straight when I get too caught up in what I think I see.
I have been painfully corrected many times so it tends to bother me when even the most gentle advice is rejected out of hand by those who need it the most. I know that one of the laws of God, both naturally and spiritually, is that you will reap what you sow. The translation in worldly terms is, “What goes around, comes around.”
Sow carefully. If you are leaving angry and hurt people in your wake as you pass through life, you will one day reap that harvest; how much better it would be to examine our relationships and correct where we might be at fault so we can reap that kind of harvest instead.
Don’t read too much into it, most all of us need help in this area. A little honesty may save you a world of hurt.

Graduation, Boys in the pool

Last night we attended the graduation program at our church school. I was operating on only three hours sleep so I was struggling to say the least. So I snuck out and laid back the seat in our little van and slept for about half an hour. It was a little hot but I had very little choice. I knew I was not going to make it or worse, that I would embarrass myself being too short tempered.
Mama told me when I got back inside that she had looked for me and found me but she did not wake me up. She said I was sleeping hard when she first found me. I really needed it. But I recovered and got back inside to help with the serving in the back of the church – punch and cake. Keeping it all cleaned up was a fulltime job, but everyone had a great time, enjoyed the fellowship and the cake. The hit was Mama’s punch; so much so that we are now going to make it for 300 during the Youth Conference. (No good deed goes unpunished.)
I missed most of the awards but my wife told me they were fun to see, especially the younger grades. It is always interesting and often embarrassing to see how the younger children act when their name is called to go in front of people.
We are watching three young boys today. Our normal charge is home with her mama today. Since it was a hot day swimming was on the agenda and the boys were excited about it. Once the pool opened for the day, we had to break them away from the Wii – which took a few minutes, since you cannot stop in the middle of a game.
Once at the pool they were totally into it. We started with the kiddy pool (one foot deep). I showed the older two – seven year-old twins – the three foot section. They were thrilled that they could stand and move around with the water coming up to their lower chest area. I showed them the other areas of the pool that are the same depth and they moved around quickly. Adding a float for the younger brother gave all three a sense of confidence and from there on they owned most of the pool.
After about an hour they were getting out, warming up and then getting back in. The water was still too cold for them but they did not want to get out for good. When the youngest brother could no longer keep his teeth from chattering we called it quits, got changed, went out for lunch and took a two hour nap when we got home.
It reminded me of how easily we end up doing things that we know we will regret but we seem unable to stop ourselves at the time. As in the case of these young ones, there is someone watching over us too. Also, as with these, we need to be listening and responsive.

Best intentions, “No” is an answer, Spin vs. Honesty

It is sometimes awful how things done with the best of intentions are misunderstood in such a way as to not only be embarrassing, but often downright shocking in the outflow of accusations and gossip. But such is life. I do my very best to avoid the obvious situations that could lead to that kind of outcome, but sometimes there are individuals who are, for whatever reason, primed and ready to think evil of us. (It is frightfully easy to find fault.)
There are times, however, when, even though we have convinced ourselves we are not at fault in any way, we would have to admit to being less than honest with ourselves and others. For instance, our children would come to me asking for something and, not liking my answer, would then go ask Mama hoping for a different answer. We scold our children for such deceptiveness, yet we often practice it among ourselves, tending to surround ourselves only with those who agree with us rather than those who challenge us.
I think this is the underlying reason some people have such a difficult time raising kids – and enjoying it. It is very challenging. It never stops challenging a parent. The challenges change as the interactions change. I am willing to admit that I can be wrong, that I do not know everything, and that I cannot see the outcome of every decision made. If only my children were also willing to do so. I enjoy being a father, but the debate part of the job wears me down.
My father told me many years ago that if someone needed an answer right now, the answer was “No!” My children do not like it any more than I do, but “no” is an answer – just the one we do not want to hear. So when I am asked to make a quick yes-or-no decision, the answer is “no”. Give me time to consider it, hear the reasons and the reasoning behind it and the answer might change.
I think of myself as being fair, but I, like most people, can give myself too much credit. It is my wife whom the Lord very often uses to put me back in my place. But I am still wrestling with what my daughter is choosing to do. It is not a bad thing. That would be too easy. I am not anywhere near thinking that it is the right thing. It is too sudden, too many open loops, too many unanswered question, too open to too many bad consequences with zero accountability to anyone. I see her personal safety and spiritual growth at risk.
It is exacerbated by the fact that my daughter is the doctor of spin. Like most teenagers, there is very often more to the story than what is being told. There is also a history of poor decisions made quickly and quietly – with devastating consequences. I love my daughter and I trust her - mostly. I also want her to trust me.
Pray for me that I would have the wisdom needed to be the father I want to be.

Running Away, The other side of the fence, Prayer

I am afraid I got a little upset with one of my daughters last night but it has been building for a couple weeks. She is determined to move, find a new job and start a new career path. The job she wants to move to start is not the type of job that gives me confidence she will be adequately secure and she only hopes for acceptance into a program to start the career move.
I told her I strongly disapproved because it appears that the motivation is not either the new job or the new career path but more for the sake of moving. She wants to come back to the Northeast and that I do understand, especially since her life was strongly impacted here. It is the desperation of the relocation that I question.
So I asked, “Is there something you are running away from or something you are running to?” My favorite line in the movie Monster’s Inc. is, “Your stunned silence is very reassuring.” Her stunned silence was not very reassuring.
So I asked, “Is it going to break you heart to leave your friends and family and will it be very hard to say goodbye to everyone there?”
“Some”, she admitted.
“So you are running away from something?”
“I don’t think so.”
This daughter has a good paying job, recently got a very good promotion and is doing well in school. She has not even contacted the school she plans to attend to see if there are opening for which she could qualify but has promised a perspective employer that she will be available by early next month and has given her current employer two weeks notice.
So I offered this; “Contact the school and see if there are openings. Ask how to apply and see what the qualifications for acceptance are. If you meet the criterion, apply and see if you are accepted. If you are accepted, then make plans to attend, otherwise stay where you are until the Lord really opens a door for you to make the changes you are seeking.”
I could be wrong, but I have too often been guilty of chasing “greener grass” on the “other side of the fence” and it has rarely worked out well for me or my family. I have also been guilty of moving too soon, not allowing God to prepare the way before me – which He will do if a person will wait on Him – and suffered the consequences of making an ill-prepared, over-anxious and if I were totally honest, running to avoid something, move.
Eventually things have a way of working out but how much better would it be if two months of waiting patiently provided a very clear pathway forward. God is not in the business of making us guess and more than I am in the business of making my own children guess what I want of them. As an honest conversation with me will answer many, if not all, questions, my own children have for me so will a conversation with our Heavenly Father answer most of our questions seeking direction for our lives, especially those choices between better and best. (Choices between right and wrong are not the difficult ones.)
That’s what prayer is, having a conversation with God. (Just make sure you don’t do all the talking.)

Dark Chocolate M's, More potty training, Thankfulness

I have always liked M&M's, but when Mars candy came out with the M&M's in dark chocolate, that sealed the deal for me. I am not too fond of sweets – contrary to my wife and daughters – but I do like dark chocolate and I really like M&M's. I wish I could do a commercial and hold up a bag of dark chocolate M&M's and “Dark Chocolate M&M's. I'm an M&M lover - and this was my idea.” No such luck.
My wife and I were at Sam's today with the little one and both of us needed to go to the bathroom. The little one had already gone while we were in another store, so I thought we were going to take turns staying with her while the other one went to potty. But my Mama Kim decided she would just take her with her so we could both go at the same time.
We parked the shopping cart and flatbed loaded up with our purchases and went to do our business. Obviously, the little one had to go into the stall with Mama Kim. I have no understanding why that is not embarrassing for women, but I guess some of the inhibitions are wiped away in being pregnant and birthing babies.
Anyway, when my wife started to use the bathroom and the little one heard the familiar sound made in that process she smiled broadly, clapped her hands and shouted, “Yeah, Mam Kim!” My wife said she was laughing so hard she almost couldn't finish.
Turns out that is exactly what she had been doing to the little one during potty training. Whenever she had done things properly and the two of them had heard that sound, my wife would clap her hands and say, “Yeah. You did it.!” Needless to say, the little one was very proud of Mama Kim.
Our youth pastor was recounting a story of his three-year-old last night. Every night he pray with his son as he puts him to bed. It is pretty much the same prayer each night which he has his little boy repeat.
“Thank you for today.”
“Thank you for today.”
“Thank you for Daddy.”
“Thank you for Daddy”
“Thank you for Mommy”
“No, Daddy.”
“What, come on, Say thank you for Mommy.”
“No, Daddy!”
“Why? Honey, say thank you for Mommy.”
“No, Daddy. Thank you for food!”
“Oh, Okay. Thank you for food.”
“Thank you for food”
“Thank you for Mommy.”
“Thank you for Mommy.”
If he was other than a male, we might question his logic. From my perspective it seems pretty sound.