Chase and courting

I have been writing about how Mama is dealing with the relationship between Chase and Makaila but I have not been able until recently to put into words what it is that is troubling Mama so much. As I was praying yesterday the Lord gave me some insight into how to voice those concerns to Chase so he would understand where the uneasiness originates. Chase has asked several times why we do not trust him and my answer has been “because you cannot trust you and you are too young to know it.”


Based on some recent events in our circle of friends he has come to understand what I am saying when I give him that answer – especially when it comes to being alone with a female companion. But he and Mama are still wrestling with the other time spent together with either our family or her family. So last night after church, I tried to explain it again.

I asked him to think back over the dating relationships of his older siblings – four of whom are now married. I asked him to recount how many of those prospective suitors got to do what he is doing; spend hours at one house or another in the company of the one being courted. How many times could he remember Nate hanging out at our house, or Aaron, or Andrew? (We were leaving Charles out of the discussion for the moment because I feel that he and Becky got this part of proper Christian dating completely wrong.)

All of the relationships that ended up in the marriages of his three sisters were long distance relationships and we did not have to deal as a family with the constant visitation of the prospective paramour; not that that would have been a bad thing. It is just not the way it was done.

What he and Makaila are doing in their quest to spend time together is very like what I did when I had girlfriends in my teen years. As much as Grandma tried to encourage romances in Mama’s life she never had boyfriends constantly at her house. (Although I find it hard to believe she was not constantly asked out in her teen years because she was hot.) So this is Mama’s first experience in sharing her youngest son with another female. Since she has not totally acquiesced to the relationship, it is a struggle for her. I assume it is a struggle for most mothers but I only know Mama’s apprehensions in this romance. (I am not even sure if Chase thinks of this as a romance. I am pretty sure Makaila does.)

The caveat is that while Chase is spending time with Makaila, testing his skills in relationships with the opposite sex, it may well be that she is less concerned about relational skills development vs. strengthening her attachment to him personally. The expectations of the two parties involved may be vastly different. There may be heartbreak ahead thought at this point it would be difficult for either of them to see.

I did not leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake as I kept company with the young ladies I courted before Mama came into my life but the process left such a terrible taste in my mouth that I swore off of courtship for several years. Then I met Mama.

The bottom line: Marriage is the second most important decision a person will make – assuming they are committed to making it only once. Since courtship can lead to marriage, it should be examined closely and bathed in prayer. I do not know if Chase is praying about it. I do not know if Makaila is capable of praying about it. Mama and I do not know if either of them will make a decision concerning their relationship based on God’s will rather than convenience or acquiescence.

Chase has chosen well for his first amour. God is willing to lead. We hope they are willing to follow.